What a child needs friends?

In friendship as in love, there is a mystery. It is easier to explain it with examples than dokopatsya to the hidden mechanisms of emergence.
The need to communicate with their peers in a child's very early, for the first time expressing themselves in the third year of life. Then there are the first problems in communicating with their peers. Adults suddenly noticed that the baby quickly turns playing with other children, if there is a "threat" to their well-being, or what is not willing to share toys, and another child while trying to get hold of them, react aggressively or crying.

For 2-3-year-old baby is normal. With such contradictory behavior usually begins childcare contacts. The child runs to his peers, but has not yet been able to overcome their children's self-interest, to agree on mutually acceptable conditions of the game. At this age, children's contacts situational, malosoderzhatelny and often conflict. Rather, they play beside each in its only game occasionally appreciative neighbor, or a short connecting to it.

Over time, with the help of an adult child acquires shared game. His favorite toy in the hands of another child will not cause panic fear of losing her. Acquired a law "priority" and giving time to his "treasure" comrade, he himself can claim to be his toy. And if the truck to a friend add your sovochek, will load and transport the sand to build houses. So there is the game's storyline is so attractive that the children are playing together, each overcoming his selfishness, begin to coordinate their actions according to specified rules.

By 7 years in the game longer, and children as if separated. Talk about the game becomes a dialogue, sometimes it is not connected. Children at this age are able to exchange views on books read, talk about events that are known to them to talk of adults, to compare their skills and knowledge, to express their attitude to other children, and even gossip. But the most important thing now - the desire to win the respect of peers.

7-year-old child is concerned not so much so, with whom and what to play, but his reputation among those children whose views he cherishes. Gained authority child will defend at all costs, even ready to change the already existing stereotypes of their own behavior, if their peers do not approve. Such a group of other children, significant for the kid, give him mental stability and emotional comfort.

Гляжусь in you, as in a mirror.

And if the group does not have a child? If relationships with peers did not exist and his contacts with them are still controversial, as the 3-year-olds? Is it true that peers are so important? Nor can the parents or close adult-child, replace the deficit of communication with their peers? Common views on this subject no. Some psychologists believe that an adult is able to give your child all, if the child involved in the game as a full partner. Others do not agree with this: an adult unable to give a child as long as is necessary for the game and ability, even at the time "to fall back to my childhood" destroys his parental authority and puzzling child. Adult and peer groups each play a unique role - it is important to know what it is. Awareness of their individual qualities, ability to evaluate themselves in different situations - are not innate. Initially, they formed the child to communicate with the loved ones. And the role of parents is undeniable. People around us - a kind of invisible "mirror." Their attitude towards us evaluate our actions - in fact our "reflection", it lays the foundation of our identity, our personality.

First, these "mirrors" in a child's life is not enough. The initial information about a child receives from the mother - and a "mirror" the most good and empathy: it only affects the baby in his superlative terms. He still does not succeed, but it has loved, admired them, lavish care by providing a level of comfort and security, without which it simply will not survive.

At the same time, boundless love of the mother lays the most fundamental basis of his personality - a positive attitude towards themselves, a sense of security of the world, a sense of confidence to the people. As we get older, and the emergence of the first requirements for the child and censure, it is for the maintenance of the principal for a positive attitude of adults will actively explore new ways of behavior and actions to address their grievances and restore much-needed admired each other.

The first experience with family and friends put on trial in the kindergarten. The attention, care and love that he gave the house just now, when dealing with new adults and peers - must be earned. And in the new "mirror" not always "flattered" the child. Most children cope with this situation: the relationship with new people, adults and kids, gradually established. The difference in the domestic and foreign "mirrors" or softened, or remains significant, but rather enriches the child's new knowledge about themselves, rather than hurt it.

Sometimes, new "mirror" becoming more important than the past, because they children and adults, and themselves. In any case, the expansion of the child interaction with others - an important part of its overall development. Going beyond the existing stereotypes in the family of the child not only to enrich their social experience, but also acquires the ability to know I am a new party, which, of course, to him as a personality is very important. It is like gaining new benchmarks in relation to themselves, to understand himself.

Contact and vicious child.

However, not all children get access to the World "runs successfully. It happens that the child and the agonizingly long searches for a path to the other children and do not always find it. What are the risks? Are we not exaggerate the role of peers? Perhaps our self-identity of a baby, he is miles ahead of peers in development, with bored children to him, here he is playing alone?

In any child is always a group can be divided into several categories of babies by their activity in facilitating contacts with peers. Someone takes the initiative himself, and after a series of trial and error is a group that spends time with pleasure. Someone a long time to look to gambling peers, he likes how they play, and he would not mind playing, but could not overcome shyness and join the team. Although, if the initiative will show the other child, shy kid would be successfully interact with them and will not damage the game.

But there are children who are peers to reject. This is not always cockerel and "aggressors". Often it is the kids who, because of various reasons quite different from peer behavior, appearance, intelligence, sometimes substantially outrun the average level. The reasons why some children are always zavodilami and easily exploited in any company, while others either do not want or can not win the location of their peers, are still not completely clear.

Some psychologists believe that sociability - strain character. Others attribute her early life experiences baby: If the first weeks of life, he was sufficiently warm, caring and love, he found a peculiar feeling of "confidence in the world" which makes it more active, bold and solid peers, grew up within the strict framework of nursing on the clock, etc.

Recently been quite a disturbing trend - the younger students seemed Unlearning to play together. Their contacts transient, malosoderzhatelny and unproductive, as if they had gone clean gift with a similar. Among the main reasons psychologists primarily provide a demographic crisis: Many children grow up without brothers and sisters. The absence of such closely related childhood contacts impoverishes social experience the child, his mind is not focused on collective forms of the game.

If the lack of communication with the brothers or sisters in the family the child is not offset by uneven yard, and he has not attended kindergarten, the available data, and in his study are inevitable complications. Moreover, children nekontaktnym threatens not only the academic failure - they are usually less adaptable to new conditions, often grow too valetudinarian and alarming or too proud. In adolescence, they are having difficulty in communicating with the opposite sex, they make good careers in adulthood and is usually not a very happy family life. These data refute some of the prevailing stereotypes of us.

Has long been argued that peer communication is by itself, does not require the intervention of an adult, and it seemed very wild idea that children need to learn to play together specifically. Today, it is necessary to do so. What is the relationship of children affected in the playground, in kindergarten or school, when it appeared easier and faster because the first experience of communicating with other children received a child in the family (his neighbor, closely related). This experience under the supervision of an adult to give the impression of spontaneous unfolding, although one was not.

Once changed way of life a new generation - and the child has been in forced isolation from peers. It is certainly not Unlearning to play, but a collective of game are increasingly supersedes the game alone, sometimes not even with toys and with a computer. The result - a formalization of children's relationships, aggression, emotional deafness to another child. And this is not as harmless as it might seem at first glance.

The child, not the past "school" of communication with peers, falling from an established children's cultural environment, with its unwritten laws and regulations. He does not know how to "talk" with their peers in their own language and, of course, rejected them. With age it causes additional problems in behavior and character. The child takes his frustration with communication, irritating, becoming aggressive. In doing so, he can hide his confusion under the mask of bravado, demonstrative buffoonery, or go into a closed, falling into depression. Circle closes.

Social incompetence leads to serious mental illness. Why is everything so difficult with their peers? Probably because of my friends outside the family the child is looking for "a good mirror" in which the reflection would be as close as possible to what he used to see at home. Forced to hold a lot of time among the "merciless" mirror, he does not hold and break, and conciliate others, it simply does not know how. Find a friend, ultimately, is to create a mirror of himself in the hands of another person, which I would like to look, without disgust to himself.

How to help your child.

A child can not do without peer, but his communication with them without the help of adults almost always malouspeshnym. Of course, most of the first lessons are given in the family, but this can not be restricted. Sometimes in relationships with other children need to be directly involved: the child must be taught, as a fall from a conflict situation, to tolerate, to distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable impact on the aggressive peer. Lack of our children to the social conflicts arising for the first time in front of them, is obvious.

A 6-year-old boy, constantly terroriziruemy postarshe children on the playground, all trying to find a way to quench their hostility: demonstrated its agility, yielded to their demands to leave and not to interfere with, gave them their candy - nothing helped. Once he returned home elated - it seemed that he found this magic tool: "Mom, I told them that soon I go to first grade, and they almost did not offend me." He later tried to put out so aggressive peers who have not yet realized that every aggressor and their motives in each case needs its own approach.

Sooner or later, the child takes appropriate in each case means the impact on peers, as long as its not for a moment can not be left alone with these problems. The way it works in the experience of communicating with peers in the late preschool and early school period, depends which company it will choose as a teenager.

Kids Company - a rather cruel community. Unable to join the group - relentlessly driven. Not always in that his guilt - are still incomprehensible science mechanisms of mutual sympathy and antipathy. Difficult to withdraw the law, why some children are extremely attractive to peers and others, they do no worse - no. Psychologists believe that the basis of selectivity - the ability to meet the most popular children's peers need to communicate.

Popular baby usually initiated contact, sensitive to the experiences of other, well-wishers, recognizes the merits of the Friends of the game and they empathize. In other words, the popular child can communicate and neegoistichen. His influence and popularity has grown, hostility or sympathy which does not even show clearly to the Panel and the impact on children's relationships to each other. Therefore, to establish them, and reject the baby put in the game team may be just an authoritative adult.

Experience has shown that a series of simple exercises, which provides an adult in the child reject the positive traits that children gradually took him to his circle.

Spontaneously peer relationships are not always successfully folded, leaving the score in the soul, not only "wrong", but "abuser." But you can not protect the child from their peers for fear that it rejected. The school will be at the forefront of a very serious problem: the systematic mastery of basic knowledge and then the relationships with peers can become a pillar of our parent, or a colossal obstacle.

A child with the preschool age is vital the company as an essential condition for its personal and social development, including preparations for the school.